The third story in our week of sex stories – written by a beautiful girl of faith who is super proud, adamant and defiant with her love, her relationship and her sexuality….
“Do you think that purity and virginity can be separated, or do they go together? I think it’s both. That’s only because I believe in a God of grace who can help us rediscover our purity, even if we gave up our virginity a long time ago. Sometimes we screw it up but we can ask for his forgiveness. God can wipe the slate clean. Again and again, seventy times seven. And more than that.
I hold my virginity dear. I don’t idolise it. It’s just a decision I’ve made a long time ago and I wanted to keep it. I’m a thirty year old virgin. It’s kind of weird in the eyes of the world, and some people don’t believe me, but its true.
I’m excited about the thought of sex. I’m more excited about the fact that I will be choosing to have sex with one person, but I’m not excited about it in a fairy tale “I’m going to have a screaming orgasm on my wedding night kind of way”. I’ve had friends who put me in the picture about that a long time ago…
It makes me sad because when it comes to ‘Christian relationships’ it seems to be the ladies that break their own hearts over ‘purity’.Generally because they feel guilt and they dont know what to do with it. I’ve seen it over and over. Guys have made promises that they don’t keep. The girls have given ALL of themselves and they have been left shattered by the level of vulnerability that they have experienced. (I’m talking about Christian guys and girls here. It would be weird to expect people to live by Christian guidelines if they don’t share the Christian faith.)
I think real love waits. Real love puts the other person first. I’m learning that now from the only man I’ve ever actually allowed myself to love. He’s sacrificial in his love for me because he puts me before himself. I’m still trying to get the hang of that bit, not because I’m selfish but because I’m an independent lady who has been eternally single, and I sometimes forget that I’m not on my own any more.
There have been many many times in my life when I’ve seen everyone around me be ridiculously blessed; In fulfilling jobs/relationships/children. Feeling forgotten by God is a really shitty feeling. It can make you feel like God’s never going to bless you the way you thought he would. That’s when you decide that you need some adventure in your life, so you move to a big city, across the pond, and drop your guard enough to entertain the thought of getting to know someone. The guy is tall, dark and handsome. He makes you laugh and makes you start believing in yourself again. You feel like you have this weird electric connection. You wonder if it might be love, but then you realise that he’s actually more like “Mr Big”. Spontaneous and fun, yes. Reliable and ‘in it for the longer haul’, no. Because you don’t have sex with him, he tells you that he has a “fuck buddy” across town, and he doesn’t really need you in his life. It makes you feel like so bad. You find out later that he used the “Fuck Buddy” line as a way to see if it would “up the ante” regarding the physical side of the relationship with you. On retrospect you realise that it’s actually him that’s the shit. PRAISE THE LORD I was wise to him.
God has our best interests at heart. He blessed me with a mother that taught me about trusting my heart wholly to God and this wisdom has helped me to guard my heart over the years. Although my heart has been shattered too – I’ve held on to the hope that God knows best, even though I’ve wrestled with this many times.
He wants us to enjoy the FULLNESS of sex in a relationship which isn’t just for one night only -that keeps me going…
There is no doubt that the older you get, the less likely it is that the person you marry will still be a virgin. At the end of the day, it’s real life. You may never get your virginity back but you can re-discover purity.”